The Land of the Free in the Home of the Vuvuzelas

What's the greatest sports movie of all-time? Hoosiers. Maybe Field of Dreams. Perhaps Rocky if you're the type of person who can tolerate two hours of Sylvester Stallone. It's a worthwhile debate. What does this debate have to do with the 2010 World Cup? Nothing. But if I asked you what's the greatest hockey movie released by Disney in 2004? There's no debating that one; it's Miracle (I'm shooting for a Miracle on Ice reference every other post. So far, so good.). What does Miracle have to do with the 2010 World Cup? Very little. But upon such ground, cities are built. Or whatever that saying is. You get the gist.

The Miracle on Ice is the greatest moment in American sports history. There is more debate on this subject than on Disney's greatest 2004 hockey movie, but not by much. The Cold War tensions of USA vs. USSR forever ensured Miracle's place in history. But the nature of the victory was equally important. The American team was a gigantic underdog. The, dare I say, miraculous nature of the win resonated more with the American public than a victory by any overwhelming favorite ever could. But 1980 was the last chance Americans had to root for an underdog with any sort of chance at success. The Dream Team was formed for the 1992 Olympics and since then anything less than a gold medal in an international basketball competition is considered an embarrassment. The American hockey and baseball teams may not have the same sort of unforgiving expectations as the basketball team but both are in the small group of elite teams at the top of their respective sports. No one else even plays American football. Foreign athletes come to ply their trade in America because we're the best (and most wealthy). It is a burden to wear the target on your back, to be at the top of the mountain, to be number one, to be the gold standard. Despite substantial strides made by other countries, the United States is still that gold standard in most athletic pursuits. But not soccer.

I am on record with my defense of greatness and athletic excellence. I have enjoyed watching a great (when focused) Lakers team over the past seven months. But barring very unforeseen circumstances the Lakers were going to be playing for the NBA Finals in June. And anything less than the capturing of the NBA championship next week will feel like a disappointment. Even to the fans. Watching and rooting for a great team comes with pressure and an aura of vague responsibility never associated with rooting for an up-and-coming underdog. Underdogs can only exceed expectations. Underdogs are fun. The USA Men's National Soccer Team is an underdog.

USA-England will likely go down as the most watched soccer telecast of all-time in the United States. A great many of these viewers, being the brash Americans that they are, believe that we will win this game just like we won the Revolutionary War (somewhat unconvincingly and with aid from France?). That is certainly possible but in all likelihood the English will win comfortably by the scoreline 2-0 or 3-1. There is a noticeable gulf in the talent level between the two teams and only two Americans would even make the English squad of 23 players; Landon Donovan and Tim Howard. The World Cup is not about USA-England, it's about USA-Slovenia and USA-Algeria and finishing second in Group C to advance to the single elimination portion of the tournament. At that point it becomes March Madness with penalty shootouts (i.e even more suspenseful and unpredictable) and anything can happen. Anything.

One team has beaten the Spanish national team since 2006. That team is the United States. Still, the world does not respect American soccer. It's unclear whether that's because of anti-American bias or the fact that Jonathon Spector starts for our national team. We will probably lose to England and would be likely underdogs in the event of advancement from Group C and a potential round-of-16 match. But that doesn't mean the American team is not capable of beating anyone in the world on a given day. We will not win the World Cup but we deserve respect. We may not have a superstar or an elite goalscorer. Our defenders may be slow and out midfield may lack creativity. We may be underdogs in the world of soccer but we are fun underdogs. This team likes each other. They work hard. They are in shape. With the proper mindset, watching this team perform on the world's biggest stage should be a wonderful experience. Be aware of the odds but relish the freedom of lower expectations. It's an opportunity an American sports fan rarely gets. We may not win the World Cup but a matchup with England or Spain or Argentina can no longer be counted as an automatic loss. In fact, it brings to mind the tagline of Disney's greatest 1994 baseball movie, Angels in the Outfield. It could happen.

Coming Up Next...Thoughts on Day 1 and/or running commentary during USA-England match

The World Cup?

Five months without a post? It’s been so long that Phileas Fogg has had time to nearly complete two around the world journeys. And since one of my principles is a general refusal to be embarrassed by any 19th century fictional character, that can only mean one thing...it’s bloggin time. It’s too bad the public will probably have to wait until October for another such similarly inane introduction. But until then the masses all four of you will have to manage with my thoughts on the greatest tournament in the world...THE NBA FINALS ON ABC! Nice. Actually, it’s the World Cup. Why the World Cup? Flawless logic. Soccer is the only truly global sport so the world’s greatest tournament should be a soccer tournament. The World Cup showcases the best combination of passion, skill, intrigue and patriotism soccer has to offer. Six continents will be represented this year and nearly every country in the world is eligible to participate. Yes, even you, North Korea. Ergo, blah blah, ipso facto, etc etc. Even a certain namesake of mine would be astounded by my deductive reasoning. The number of 19th century literary references now equals my estimated number of readers. I should probably move on. Cue transition.

I imagine you’re already wondering why you should bother reading this blog during the World Cup. My answer is this...you are a stupid American and know very little about soccer. I, on the other hand, played six games of high school varsity soccer and rank Soccernet as my fourth-most visited website. Okay, maybe I’m not the most qualified person, either. But I definitely have the time on my hands to watch most of the matches and my sleep schedule is already properly aligned to South African time. Seems like quite the resume to me. Plus, it’s awfully difficult to understand any of the actual experts given their ridiculous accents and incomprehensible euphemisms. Pox on them. That eliminates a good deal of my competition and I’d like to think that I have a more entertaining approach than my colleagues (yeah. I said it. colleagues.) over at ESPN. I very much doubt they will be painstakingly compiling a World Cup Ugliest XI over the next month but here at...whatever this blog’s called...I will do my best to field the most hideous team possible under Co-captains Franck Ribery and Carlos Tevez. Half of the English squad already appears to be jockeying for position so the Three Lions will be delighted to know that another roster spot has opened up due to Ronaldinho’s absence from this year’s tournament. You might even say that he’s been put out to pasture. Even if you can expect many more mediocre jokes and absolutely amateurish soccer analysis but I will bravely trudge along as America’s idiot savant for the 2010 World Cup in hopes of educating and entertaining a new generation of soccer* fans. May God have mercy on your soul.

Coming up next: Why I’m proud to be an American this June…

*As obligated by ESPN I am here to remind you that soccer is going to be the next big thing in America. No, really. I mean it this time. One game changes everything. Seriously. Yeah. Go soccer.